Sunday, August 29, 2010

this little light of mine, i am going to let it shine!

hello girls, i am back in hk now. 6 days just flew by.. but i am so happy this trip. i got many things done and most important of all, i got 100% support and encouragement from my family about the next 'phase' of my life - learning thangka and living from country to country without a 'permanent home' (except for singapore). 5mths in nepal, 3 mths in dharamsala, 2mths in hk and the other 2mths in singapore. it may sound daunting to some, especially my parents, i know they are somehow worried (of my 'wandering' life) but despite that, they are totally receptive and even show interest in what i choose to pursue. and being christians themselves, i truly appreciate my parents' open-mindedness about me being a tibetan buddhist and studying tibetan religious art. haha...

on a serious note, it had moved me deeply. it is really not easy to transform the attachment you have towards your kids and turn that into love. pure love that has no judgement, no criticism, no expectations, no comparison, no need to conform to social standards of what a daughter at my age should be doing. i am not even sure if i am capable of doing that to my kids.

it took me courage to walk on this path, one which is totally unique. we are all different from one another, in our own ways. therefore its only natural that we have the space and freedom to explore and discover what we are truly here for. however becos of certain social conditioning that were instilled by our parents and society and friends, from innocent unique babies, we are slowly, subtly, subconsciously moulded into adults leading mass-produced lives.

and our parents are moulded by their parents and our grandparents by their parents. therefore, i think it also took courage to be my parents. i have been away for 13 years now. and my dad told me this time that he sees the transformation in me. in a way, i also see the transformation in him. but it definitely took time. my dad has always wanted me to be a teacher, get married to all my past boyfriends, buy a house and 'enjoy' a 'stable' life. do all the things that his friends' or his relatives' daughters are doing. i can imagine whatever internal struggles i feel within myself, he also felt it. i am so happy that i held on, and he also held on. this trip, i feel i am finally, totally acknowledged for who i truly am.

one major thing i experienced for myself on the journey and also from my parents is: WHEN IT IS LOVE, THERE IS COURAGE. when it is attachment, there is fear. thank you universe, i am forever grateful.

thank you girls for reading. i am very happy to share some of my feelings here with you.

photo by kwan, my friend. i 'stole' it from her facebook.

'om mani padme hum... THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE, I AM GOING TO LET IT SHINE. om mani padme hum...'- mercedes bhaleda. a mix of buddhist chant and christian hymn. i wish i can let you listen to this song but i cant find it on youtube.

SHINE ON GIRLS! i am with you. : )


Anonymous Anonymous said...

thank you for sharing this very moving post.
all the best on your chosen path!

ps. received your london alphabets scarf, its much bigger than i thot! can u enlighten how to 'wear' this large scarf? :p


August 29, 2010 8:36 PM  

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