you are beautiful just the way you are
good morning girls! how are you doing?
you know lately i have not been sleeping well becos the neighbour downstairs who just moved in, they are kind of noisy. for the past few nites around 12 plus, they talked so loud in the balcony, everyone can hear them. i was really pissed off. last nite finally i practised something which is not me, well not the usual me. the 'usual' and 'conditioned' me would be lying in bed trying to find ways to sleep, ipod, ear plugs, grumbling to myself how could they be so inconsiderate, or i will try to endure and tolerate (which i did last few nites, and the loud talking continued)
BUT last nite, i told myself I AM going to do something different. just to challenge myself. i literally had to sit there and pluck up courage and counted 3,2,1 before i stormed out of my bedroom. to keep the momentum going, i opened the bedroom door loudly, slided the door of my balcony with as much energy and noise as i can, i looked down (and that western guy was looking up straight at me) and i shouted 'hey people downstairs! can you keep your volume down! its past 12! i can hear you so clearly from here (i think the whole village can hear you! - nore sure if i said this)! i think i must look so fierce, becos he looked very shocked and scared. then i did what they always do, slam the door loudly and jumped straight into bed. after that, there was a total silence. absolute silence.
now you must be thinking i should be feeling all happy and smiling myself to sleep. but i tell you i was feeling kind of worried after i did that. 'shit, am i being too rude? maybe they are not that loud after all, maybe i should have just knocked on their door and tell them nicely, maybe they will think i am this crazy asian bitch, maybe they will.....' the list of self condemnation goes on.
i was so worried about what they would think of me. i am so timid i hate it. we are being brought up (especially asians in my opinion) that we are not good enough, with all that competitiveness in our society which started from when we are a kid in school, its no wonder we are turned up lacking self-love and self-confidence (confidence here doesnt mean oh i look confident when i did that presentation to the client, or looking pretty to feel confident. its confidence to be who you are, feel what you feel.)
well, its not too late to re-learn all these true values, TO LOVE YOURSELF. TO KNOW WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH JUST AS WE ARE. we do not have to care what others think of us. i am inspired by nick vujicic (he is from melbourne, which is also the place where i first learned from my australian classmates what it means being an individual, we are all unique). please enjoy the video below. i hope you too will be inspired.
to all the lovely girls out there, lets acknowledge the fact that we are beautiful JUST THE WAY WE ARE.
p.s. dear adeline, if you are reading, please drop a note to me. i am thinking of you.
you know lately i have not been sleeping well becos the neighbour downstairs who just moved in, they are kind of noisy. for the past few nites around 12 plus, they talked so loud in the balcony, everyone can hear them. i was really pissed off. last nite finally i practised something which is not me, well not the usual me. the 'usual' and 'conditioned' me would be lying in bed trying to find ways to sleep, ipod, ear plugs, grumbling to myself how could they be so inconsiderate, or i will try to endure and tolerate (which i did last few nites, and the loud talking continued)
BUT last nite, i told myself I AM going to do something different. just to challenge myself. i literally had to sit there and pluck up courage and counted 3,2,1 before i stormed out of my bedroom. to keep the momentum going, i opened the bedroom door loudly, slided the door of my balcony with as much energy and noise as i can, i looked down (and that western guy was looking up straight at me) and i shouted 'hey people downstairs! can you keep your volume down! its past 12! i can hear you so clearly from here (i think the whole village can hear you! - nore sure if i said this)! i think i must look so fierce, becos he looked very shocked and scared. then i did what they always do, slam the door loudly and jumped straight into bed. after that, there was a total silence. absolute silence.
now you must be thinking i should be feeling all happy and smiling myself to sleep. but i tell you i was feeling kind of worried after i did that. 'shit, am i being too rude? maybe they are not that loud after all, maybe i should have just knocked on their door and tell them nicely, maybe they will think i am this crazy asian bitch, maybe they will.....' the list of self condemnation goes on.
i was so worried about what they would think of me. i am so timid i hate it. we are being brought up (especially asians in my opinion) that we are not good enough, with all that competitiveness in our society which started from when we are a kid in school, its no wonder we are turned up lacking self-love and self-confidence (confidence here doesnt mean oh i look confident when i did that presentation to the client, or looking pretty to feel confident. its confidence to be who you are, feel what you feel.)
well, its not too late to re-learn all these true values, TO LOVE YOURSELF. TO KNOW WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH JUST AS WE ARE. we do not have to care what others think of us. i am inspired by nick vujicic (he is from melbourne, which is also the place where i first learned from my australian classmates what it means being an individual, we are all unique). please enjoy the video below. i hope you too will be inspired.
to all the lovely girls out there, lets acknowledge the fact that we are beautiful JUST THE WAY WE ARE.
p.s. dear adeline, if you are reading, please drop a note to me. i am thinking of you.
posted by Suyin @ Kyurii.com at 10:36 AM
4 Comments:
Dear Suyin,
I totally understand how you feel. I am very much like you. I was worse before, easily affected by peoples' opinions. Now i am better but still learning to improve myself. Love the fact that you shared with us with this meaning ful blog. Thanks, really make my day.
Cheers
Jessie
Hi Suyin,
I have been reading your blog intermittently and today, I felt a strong urge to leave a comment because of this post.
(Sorry for the grandmother reply) =p
As I was reading this, I was thinking to myself how alike I would have reacted if I were you. Seeing you, I wouldn't have imagined you as someone who sometimes, like me (and maybe many more ladies out there), worry about what people think of us. I've always seen you as someone who is confident, elegant and poised.
I really enjoy reading your blog. Thanks for being so yourself and honest with your feelings. You don't try to pretend or hide.
Like Jessie, I was also very easily affected by what people thought of me, especially when I was in my early twenties. And yes, now I have learnt to not let these negative feelings and energy consume my thoughts.
I have learnt that there will always be people who view the world differently from us. I have learnt that people who judge, don't matter. People who don't judge, matter.
Thanks for sharing this, Suyin! I now feel the urge to update my blog.
WOW! thank you ladies!
actually i was hesitating for a bit before i blogged this morning but now i am glad i just went ahead and did it. thank you for sharing your thoughts here on the blog. i really appreciate it. we are all connected. you and me. we are never alone.
let's continue on our path with courage and grace. my love going out to all of you, specially to C4 and jessie.
hugs, suyin : )
hey dont worry i've shouted at my neighbour before too! the first time i told them politely...the second time...i think i was too stressed during the exams and i exploded...it was really bad i think till now they dont have a good impression of me...haha :P and i get the same guilt and fear and timid etc etc...oh well we all learn from experiences :)
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